Back at it again

I've been sitting here trying to think what to type but all I can say is i'm back at it again. The last few months since the miscarriage have been pretty rough. My mental/emotional state the last few months was not a good state for me. I know physical fitness is important but the last few months my mental fitness has been most important and mentally I don't think I could have handled trying to push myself physically. I hope that makes sense. I am planning to write more about my last few months later today in my other blog, Letters to Ellie.
I am back now to my pre-Ellie weight, which is about 10 pounds more than my post-Ellie weight. Go figure. My first goal is to lose about 30 pounds. I think that's a good starting goal. My doctor did mention that losing even 30 pounds will greatly increase my chances for getting pregnant and having a healthier pregnancy. I have hypertension and I have a history of diabetes in my family. I am terrified of getting diabetes and having gestational diabetes was a bit of a wakeup call for me. It scared me straight. I have made some changes in my life but I have a lot more I can do.
This last week I went to girl's camp and it was made clear to me once again how out of shape I was. We had to go up these stairs every time we came back from the bathroom and it really wasn't that long but I was the only one who had a hard time with it. The first time I did it I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe. It got easier the more I did it but it shouldn't have been that hard. I found myself not doing as much with the girls because I was so tired. I thought about what it would be like if I had kids and how bad I would feel if I couldn't run around and play with them.
So, today, my first day off track I went on a walk. I walked for 40 minutes. I have no idea how far it was though. I usually average around a 14-15 minute mile so I figure I went almost 3 miles. I'm going to try to do that same route every day. I haven't decided if i'm going to try to add on distance to the route or if i'm going to try to jog parts of it. At this point I don't really know what is most beneficial for me. I'm also tracking everything I eat on an app I downloaded.
I really appreciate when people want to work out with me but i'm really a solo exerciser. Maybe that will change when i'm fitter but right now I like to figure out on my own what works for me. I like putting my music on and just going by myself. Walking occasionally with Bobby is fine but really I prefer just to go by myself.
That's pretty much all I can think to write about right now. I hope to be better now at updating my blogs. As far as the getting pregnant thing is going, that's really on hold right now. We don't really feel ready to deal with that stress. We don't feel capable of being able to deal with another loss right now and I think we just need some more time before we get going with that. It is getting better. We are way better than we were even a month ago, but not quite there yet. Thanks for all your support everyone!